Hye Mr.April! Don't try to fool me!

Does it bother you that we barely talk or is it just me?

Cause...

I am too tired to hold on..

My friends think I'm moving on

But the truth is I'm not that strong

and nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy, I'll get through somehow

But the truth is that I've been screaming out :"(

Hye Mr.April Be nice to me ok! Don't you ever try to fool me like what Mr.March have done to me! T.T

Wordless Wednesday #11

~ ! ! ! ! ! ~

Saya si kucing malas..

"............................................................................................................"

Laying on my bed, doing nothing, on9 and staring at the laptop screen.

OMG! I am too lazy tonight, lazy, so lazy.... I mean seriously lazy lazy lazyyyyyyy... 

I lost my track, I lost my motivation..

And SERIOUSLY I need them back...

Aduiiiii, give me some motivation please T_T 

I have a lot, I mean lotsa lotsa work need to be done before the coming holidays, before going to my first practicum...

But now, end up laying.. 

with this uncertainty mixed ups and downs feeling...

tulunggggggggggggg... uwaaaaaaaaaa T_T

Me!

Me malas!

Me again!

Me kucing gumuk O_O

Me kuat tidur!

Me juga???!


+_____________________+

Wordless Wednesday #9

Pembuat keputusan tegar.

Monday blues, macam besala kan.. Isnin.. Permulaan untuk hari-hari yang seterusnya. Ok, hari ini sa maw cakap pasal "buat keputusan". Sebab hari ni, saya belajar tentang membuat keputusan yang telah dibentangkan semasa kuliah oleh si classmate sa. Walaupun sebenarnya ia lebih kepada membuat keputusan dalam course PJM, tapi memang berkait rapat la sama kehidupan sehari-harian sa juga. Sebenarnya tadi sa x ambil perhatian bila c classmate membentang sbb sa sibuk membaca 'memes' di Sabahan Troll (jahatnya sa) buduuu lawak gila ni..orang Sabah mimang hebat! aisehh.. salute la kpd yg buat 2 'memes'. Sa maw try2 jg kenen tp sa malas. Idea bnyk tp kubur saja la dalam utak. LOL!

creditz goes to Sabahan Troll

OK2 cukup2 lai tu merepek. Berbalik kepada cerita membuat keputusan ni tadi, ada 3 jenis pembuat keputuasan iaitu yang 

Pertama

Pembuat keputusan refleksif: Ni org yang suka buat keputusan dgn cepat dan pantas. Tutup mata pun dia ble bt keputusan sda.
Cth: Si A bwa si B trn KK, trus c B ckp OK SET mari jln skrg, tanpa tingu2 dia ada duit ka teda mw lepak2 d KK tu. naaa...

Kedua

Pembuat keputusan reflektif: Ni orang yang ambil masa yang lama apabila buat keputusan. Tunggu ayam berkokok pun blum tau lg klu dia sda bt keputusan ka blum ni.
Cth: si C bwa si D pg dating tingu wayang sana KK, tp si D x pndai bg kata putus mw pg ka x sbb dia blum tanya mama dia ble kluar ka tidak, lps 2 bnyk keja rmh dia mw bt, lg dia x cukup duit maw blanja gulpren dia, trus lama si C tnggu last2 x durang tepigi dating. kasiannn..

Ketiga

Pembuat keputusan konsisten: Ni orang yang buat keputusan secara konsisten, x cepat x juga lama. Sederhana, slow and steady.

Cth: Lu pikir la sendiri...

Jadiiiiii, setelah ditimbang tara saya dapati sa ni pembuat keputuasan yang REFLEKTIF dan bukannya refleksif mahupun konsisten. Biasanya saya akan mengambil masa yang lama untuk membuat keputusan, apalagi kalau keputusan yang tersangatlah penting.Naaa.. akan makan masa berjam-jam, berhari-hari atau berminggu-minggu. Naaa, knapa begitu? sebab sometimes sa akan lupa skjp tu masalah lps tu sambung balik maw pikir keputusan yang perlu dibuat.. dan biasanya sa suka bertanya org (yg ble dipercayai kesahihannya sahaja) samada keputusan sa tu betul atau tidak, lagi satu sa akan fikir setiap consequences (bilang urang putih) bagi setiap kemungkinan keputusan yang akan sa buat tu..

Dan salah satu benda yang selalu mempengaruhi saya semasa membuat keputusan ialah 'EMOSI' dan 'KATA HATI'. Begini lai ni klu insan yang bernama perempuan dan lagi berbintang Pisces..
 

 Sejujurnya memang susah maw buat keputuasan dalam hidup kan? setakat ni buli kira juga la keputusan "Bodoh" yang saya buat. =_="

Ada di antaranya boleh diselamatkan dan selebihnya ditelan bumi. kasiannnnn.. gmaa..
Dalam masa terdekat ni sa ada 1 keputusan yang sangat penting untuk dibuat. Tetapi masih dalam pertimbangan.  Masih dibicarakan oleh hakim2 di kepala dan hati. atau adakah sa sda buat tu keputusan tanpa sa sedari???? *sebenarnya sa bingung sendiri*

Apa-apa pun saya berserah kepada Lord Jesus Christ sebab hanya Dia yang tahu apa yang saya rasa dan apa Rencana untuk diri saya.

P/s: Minta maaf kalau saya telah buat keputuasan yang salah.pfff ~_~''
marila kita tidur.. malammmm dunia.. 

Aku dicekam gelisah sampai dinihari.

sHallom Monday  ^______^

I went to Holy Trinity church yesterday and I felt so blessed. Thank you Lord for the day, I left all my burdens to You. You know what am I going through these days..

Pembacaan warta pertama pada hari ini benar-benar menyentuh hati saya, sehingga saya membaca firman tersebut beberapa kali..  Mungkin Tuhan benar-benar mahu saya memahami maksud sabda tersebut. 

Di bawah ni merupakan petikan bacaan  daripada Kitab Ayub (7 : 1-4.6-7)

“Aku dicekam gelisah sampai dinihari”

Ayub berkata demikian, “Bukankah manusia harus bergumpul di bumi, dan hari-harinya seperti hari-hari orang upahan? Seperti kepada seorang budak yang merindukan naungan, seperti kepada orang upahan yang menanti-nantikan upahnya, demikianlah dibaginya kepadaku bulan-bulan yang sia-sia, dan ditentukan kepadaku malam-malam penuh kesusahan. Bila aku pergi tidur, maka pikirku : Bilakah aku akan bangun? Tetapi malam terentang panjang, dan aku dicekam oleh gelisah sampai dinihari. Hari-hariku berlalu lebih cepat daripada torak dan berakhir tanpa harapan. Ingatlah, bahwa hidupku hanya hembusan nafas; mataku tidak akan lagi melihat yang baik.”

SYUKUR KEPADA TUHAN!

Tuhan menghibur orang yang patah hati,

Dan menyembuhkan luka mereka.

Tuhan menentukan jumlah bintang di langit,

Dan memberi nama kepada kita masing-masing.

Semoga saya dapat menjalani hari-hari yang mendatang dengan lebih tabah hati… sebab saya sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat memerlukannya…

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son,

that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

May God Bless Us all :)

Can't take it anymore.

Mixed feelings today.. too much ups and downs this week. I am trying hard to moving on ~.~''

I just hate the fact that there are certain freak human creature who wanna let me down to the bottom of this planet earth. what the hell of your problem with me? why are you so annoying? why cares about others people's life? wtf! Everyday I feels like I wanna cry out loud. Screaming to the whole world. If you don't know the entire story about me, please shut up your fucking mouth! Kenapa suka jadi batu api? kenapa suka buat2 cerita? wanna tell the whole world. Yea, pls do it as you wish! siLa tambah dosa.

And for you. growing up honey! unsatisfied? TELL ME! why stay in a 3D illusion of your world??! TELL ME what's wrong! Tell me what's the problem? don't leave me with uncertainty in my head.. Its totally make me sick! What else should I do to make you speak it out loud? btw, you never tried ACTUALLY. That's why you stuck in your own world. Living with your own prediction. Making your own assumption? Living with what others telling you. and you believe?

I can't take it anymore. Dear God, life is cruel even though I live my life to the fullest. It still cruel to me.. this world is cruel to me. I am still waiting for Your answer. What might it be? I can't stand it anymore. Please send me home or please send me to somewhere else. or maybe I die. *crying out loud*

I know I don't deserve anyone in my life. I shouldn't take life for granted. If you wanna go, its your choice then. Because...who am I to you??????

dear readers.. sorry for this melancholic confession. It's the only way to make me feel a lil bit better..

I am not that easy.

Am I that easy for you? Think again cause I'm not. Please bear that in your mind. Btw, sorry for my words but I mean it. It's up to you now to believe it or not, to continue for it or not. Its your choice, not me..

 ~_~''

Good Night World

Strange Feeling

Dear God...

I have this some kind of strange feeling strikes me right now. My hearts beats so fast and it might explodes from my chest at anytime. I really don't know what is this all about. But it kept bothering me since this evening. I can feel that something bad will happen sooner or later, and I totally don't know what it is. Dear God, can You help me to figure it out? I'm so scared and tears keep falling. I pray to you, please protect my beloved families. Fill them with you Holy Spirit. My Father, my sweet Lord, help me in all my actions. Grant me a peaceful and calm heart; preserve me from any evil thoughts. Amen. 

 

Having a Bad day..

First of aLL...

But the truth is...

Today is a B.A.D.D.A.Y for me. Seriously.. :(

and

you can see when..

argggghhh...this is

By the way, no need to bother.

I will just Thank God for what had happen and ask for His wise guidance.. God is LOVE all the time.

(Jeremiah 33:3 Call to Me and I will answer you 
and I will tell you a great and mighty things, which you do not know)

Thank you so much LIFE.. -_-'

Miss you my baby!

My baby Mico latest pictures.. I've been missing him so much now. Mummy loves you! :D

WHY??

Sitting here thinking..

of the times you've hurt me

wondering why I still miss you

Maybe it's your eyes

the way they make me feel so good inside

or the way you smile

that makes me feel

that I've never been so happy in my life

It's probably just the way you are

a funny, sweet, caring guy

that every girls dreams of

But all the times you hurt me

I just don't understand

why I still love you

because...

I am not supposed to love you anymore, right?

Craving :(

Salam.. sebenarnya sekarang adalah waktu kuliah. Pensyarah sedang mengajar cara-cara menggunakan Microsoft Access di hadapan (dimana ia berguna sebagai persediaan untuk menjadi guru data kelak) tapi memandangkan saya ni lambat pikap dan masih blur2 pasal software ni, di tambahkan lagi dengan kelaparan saya yang sedang membuak-buak pada ketika ini, maka saya dengan selambanya memblog dan membayangkan makanan yang sedap-sedap. huhu~

I am so damn hungry and craving for these foods right now >>>>>>

SAYA LAPARRRRRRRRRR~~~~

Aku selalu salah

Selalu salah </3 Geisha

Dulu memang kita saling bersama

Ku mengira tulus dalam kata

Tapi kini kamu memang berbeda

Ku terluka untuk selamanya

Caramu yang membuat diriku jauh

Kecewa di dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta

Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa

Mengapa kau benar

Dan aku selalu salah

Kini memang kita saling berpisah

Ku merasa sesal dalam kata

Tapi kini kamu memang bersalah

Kau berubah untuk selamanya

Sifatmu yang membuat diriku jenuh

Mendua di balik mataku

Ku tak mengerti cinta

Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa

Mengapa kau benar

Dan aku selalu salah

Ku tak mengerti dia

Cinta ini bukan hanya kau yang rasa

Ternyata dia bukanlah pujaan dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta

Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa

Mengapa kau benar

Dan aku selalu salah

Ku tak mengerti dia

Cinta ini bukan hanya kau yang rasa

Ternyata dia bukanlah pujaan dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta

" It's funny how we feel so much but we don't say a word,

we are screaming inside but we can't be heard"

Is that TOO MUCH to ask?

I'm not in the mood now.  Seriously do! I had a very bad day I guess.. nope! It's not guessing. It's a reality. DAMN! SH!*T! Received a very terrible horrible miserable worst  news just now. It feels like urggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Is that true? If yes, then IT FEELS LIKE I HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH! I HATE THE RISKY DECISION I'VE MADE BEFORE. Life is truly unfair to me. Yes, I am a stupid idiot person for making such a big mistake. HELLO ELVY!!! You are 22 now, why can't you differentiate between the good and the bad one. Now you see the consequences RIGHT??

The only thing I want to do right now is to go HOME. I wanna go home so bad. Yes! I just wanna go home now! Can't someone please stop my pain pathetic life? I wish some one could cure this pain. God, when are you going to stop all these things??? I asked too much already. And this is too much for me. Isn't it enough? Yes, I am a great sinner. Can't find where I am.. Lying here alone in fear..

Is that too much too ask?

Keputusan sudah dibuat!

Hyeeee kawan!


Saya sudah membuat keputusan itu! I ody chose! ody make that decision!
Tetapi.. persoalannya skrg, adakah keputusan saya ini tepat?
Macam mana kita mahu tahu kalau keputusan kita itu betul atau tidak?
Is there any bench marking for every decision that we make?
How will you know, beyond a shadow of doubt,
that it is the right one?
Hurm. Inilah namanya SAYA! sudah buat keputusan.
Tapi masih tidak pasti dengan keputusan tersebut.
But after 22 years living, I learned..
One day, at some point.. you will figure it out by yourself without realizing 
that it was the best decision you have made in your life!
And I guess that time will come to me sooner or later.
And again, WAITING for uncertain things..

"Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else's life."

                                                                                               
 -Eleanor Roosevelt-

kESUKARAN mELANDA ~.~

yAA, sHORT pOST.. 5 mINUTES!

iT'S tHURSDAY mORNING

aND I jUST wANT tO sHOUT hERE iN mY bLOG.. tHAT...

SUKARNYA MAHU MEMBUAT KEPUTUSAN DI DALAM HIDUP INI!!!!!

IT IS SO DAMN HARD TO MAKE A DECISION IN THIS LIFE!!!

and I'm not fine today, Thank You very much LIFE ~.~'

Miss curiosity is waiting...

Hello dunia yang sentiasa dipenuhi dengan setiap kekosongan 

jawapan-jawapan yang perlu diisi.

Umpama tin kosong di tepi jalan raya yang menunggu air hujan untuk memenuhkannya

Dunia ini pelik, sentiasa menimbulkan persoalan-persoalan kepada kita

Kadang–kala persoalan-persoalan tersebut berjaya dijawab

Tetapi kebanyakannya hanya dibiarkan begitu sahaja

Sunyi sepi tanpa jawapan

Entah dimana si pemilik jawapan

Membiarkan persoalan si curiosity terkapai-kapai menunggu jawapan

Menunggu suatu jawapan sama halnya

Dengan menunggu sesuatu yang belum pasti

Menunggu sesuatu yang belum pasti

Membuatkan kita tertanya-tanya

Naa!

Perasaan tertanya-tanya, perasaan ingin tahu itulah

Yang menyeksa perasaan, jiwa dan raga

  

Sepanjang hayat saya ini, saya sudah terlalu banyak menunggu

Dan sering tertunggu-tunggu

Perkataan “tunggu” mungkin sudah sebati dalam hidup ini

Dan apabila tiba pada satu tahap

Tunggu dan bosan bersilih ganti

Yaa, bermakna saya telah bosan

Saya akan berhenti di saat itu

Jadi kepada insan-insan di luar sana yang berhasrat untuk buat saya menunggu

Dan tertunggu-tunggu

Kepada sesuatu jawapan yang anda sendiri belum pasti akan kepastiannya

Please…

Fill in the blank as soon as possible

Because waiting is really torturing

*just if you ever feel it, then you will know*

Dan kepada setiap persoalan yang mungkin timbul di ruang hati anda

Lebih baik bertanya

Kerana mungkin andaian-andaian anda itu salah??

In diLemma

Every time you pretend to love,

you impoverish yourself more and more.

Love has a great potential to enrich your life.

But if you are just playing a role,

pretending to love,

it's only going to poison you.

Because you are teaching yourself

that it's just a game and slowly

but surely you will lose the capacity to open in love

at the end.

~~ A reminder to myself and people out there ~~

Is it too serious too soon???