BAD KING OF ANGER

Sikit-sikit marah, sikit-sikit marah. 

PEMARAH! tidak faham la sama gaya orang begini. PEMARAH 24 jam. Silap cakap sikit, terus mau marah, buat silap sikit, terus mau marah. Semua ikut suka hati dia. Hye sebelum cakap diri orang, cermin dulu diri tu. Kalau saya yang marah pun saya ada limit juga, bukan juga 24 hours mencari kesalahan orang, terus mau marah dari pagi sampai malam. Tidak penat kah???? dan tidak penat kah mau menyakiti hati org? Sebelum cakap tu, lain kali fikir2 dulu! damn! Amat dialu-alukan untuk buat MUHASABAH diri tu sikit. Please learn new things about "anger management". Harap maklum.

Spontaneous Thursday #5

Ok malam ni banyak perkara sa mau mencarut sini. sblm 2 pesanan penaja, I'll use Sabahan slang ah..

untuk kesekian kali ini, rest in peace to my dear handphone, sorry saya kasi tamat nyawa ko tadi pigi ampas di dinding. memandangkan tida dapat antak kepala di dinding jd handphone juga la jadi mangsa kan. ok, bisuk sa pigi beli smartphone! ko tunggu....

bgn2 ja dari tidur tadi ada suatu perasaan yg sangat pelik mucul. rasa mau burst into tears, rasa gerigitan, rasa mau marah, rasa rimas, gelisah.. eiiii, nda tau la apa ungkapan yg paling sesuai lagi. dan ditambah lagi dengan menerima balasan mesej yang bukan2 memang la bikin panas hati! kalau ada orang di depan sa confirm jadi mangsa cubit. huh!

ok next sa mau bagitau satu dunia yg sa tidak akan balik time cuti Chinese New Year ni. Tahniah vay! mcm pertama kali pula tidak blk cuti sejak2 bermastautin di IP ni. bukan bermaksud sa telampau sayang dgn IP tapi cuti hanya 4 hari??? skolah pun tidak apply cuti peristiwa on Wednesday. pg apply pula cuti yg bukan2. heh! mumy pun cakap nda payah la blk, tiket flight mahal. Mummy suruh pigi sembayang sja di sini. emm yala... ok fine la, lgpun tggl brapa bulan ja lagi stay sini, bagus sa menghayati bumi Tawau ni lama2 kan.. kan? kan? lol. ba sa jadi sekuriti guard Wisma Mawar sepanjang 4 hari ni. ada apa2 kecurian atau masalah terus berhubung saja sama sa. wtf. apala mau bt time cuti ni ah.... mau pigi minta angpow sama tauke cina la.. hekhek. joking! I should go watch some movies dan steamboat maybe untuk kasi gumuk badan.

oya, 1 benda lagi mo kasi tau 1 dunia ni, saya makin kurus!!!

F!~ kurus adalah bida dan skeleton. haha, teringat pula time skolah menengah dulu, classmate slalu  panggil "skeleton2" sbb telampau slim to the max. berat badan 45kg ja time tu. pui bida! nasib la sejak masuk matrikulasi sa pandai membesar sda. lol. dan sekarang sda turun 3 kg pula dlm masa 3 minggu?? kawan2 pun ckp pipi makin cengkung, badan makin slim, dan seluar pun makin longgar.. mungkin sa perlu borong seluar pelbagai saiz supaya ada masa2 buli pakai time kurus ataupun gemuk. le sighing....
oleh itu di kesempatan ini, sa mau ucap terima kasih sama praktikum dan skolah sk. BQ sbb kasi kurus sa..TQ!

dan... ada satu situasi pelik skrg.. sekali lagi mengalami situasi yang berbeza dan tidak jauh bezanya seperti tahun2 sblm ini.. dan sa yakin situasi ini akan berpanjangan smpai la akhir tahun saya di sini. arggghh, damn! 1 pokok banyak dahan. 1 dahan patah, tumbuh lagi dahan baru. dahan lama buruk, reput tapi tidak mau dibakar. sayang tiada pemetik api. peribahasa yang sa cipta sendiri. hahahaha! terpulang la mau tgk diri ni mcm mana. yg ptg x hipokrit. and I know myself. I drink, but I don't do drugs ok. kadang2 sa sensitif sbb sa ni manusia, ada perasaan. everyone has their own imperfection ba kn..so it depends la kalau mau judging someone. tp jan lupa, anda tidak layak menghakimi melainkan Dia.. bla.. bla.. bla.. mode mencarut..

ok sekian terima kasih! :)

It will never be the same

hye kawan...

TRUST doesn't come with a refill.

Once it's gone, you probably won't get it back and if you do,

it will never be the same.

That's a fact!

BE AWARE OF 2013

Salam damai.. Pernahkah kamu mengalami situasi begini?

Ketika seseorang insan yang hanya akan mencari kita apabila mereka memerlukan kita sahaja. Saya yakin anda pernah mengalaminya. Insan-insan ini akan mencari kita apabila mereka berada dalam kesusahan, berada dalam keseorangan, berada dalam kesulitan, berada dalam kegawatan ekonomi dan sebagainya. Dan ketika itulah insan-insan ini akan berusaha mendapatkan pertolongan dari kita. Bukan maksudnya disini kita tamak atau tidak mahu menolong tetapi jikalau sudah "KACANG LUPAKAN KULIT" adakah kita perlu meneruskan pertolongan tersebut? Bertambah sedih lagi apabila insan-insan ini sudah mengecapi kesenangan lalu terus diam tanpa sepatah ucapan TERIMA KASIH dan hilang tanpa khabar berita. Dimanakah nilainya sebuah PENGHARGAAN? Bukan bermaksud kita ini gilakan pembalasan terhadap pertolongan yang diberi tetapi setidak-tidaknya mereka menghargai nilai usaha yang telah kita lakukan untuk menolong mereka ketika insan-insan ini benar-benar memerlukan kita. Sehinggalah pada suatu hari kesusahan menimpa mereka semula, dan disitulah mereka akan mencari kita semula untuk meminta ehsan pertolongan buat kali kedua, ketiga, keempat, dan lagi?? Saya begitu hairan mengapa sungguh mudah kita dilupakan apabila insan-insan ini sudah mendapat apa yang mereka perlukan tetapi mencari kita semula apabila diperlukan. Dunia oh dunia? Adakah kita ini Teko Ajaib ataupun Poket Doraemon yang penuh dengan rekaan semata-mata?? 

Mungkin tidak perlu lagi terlalu baik hati melayani insan-insan sebegini. Kurangkan penindasanmu wahai kawan. Jangan suka MEMPERGUNAKAN orang lain untuk manfaat diri sendiri. Jangan lupa, ramai yang tahu.

Pesanan penaja ini adalah peringatan kepada diri sendiri yang sememangnya lemah tertindas dan kepada insan-insan yang tidak sedar-sedarkan diri. Semoga insan-insan ini sedar dengan perbuatan penindasan mereka. Marilah kita memperbaiki diri kita sendiri di tahun yang baru ini.

BIAR PEDAS

HINGGA LEMAS

JANGAN TERTINDAS

DIRI SENDIRI TEWAS.

Sekian, Selamat Tahun Baru 2013!  

Thousand times maybe

I tend to believe the best of people and that's why I've been hurt so many times, damn easy to get hurt.

 yaa, that's me. =.=" screw me.

Recently, after SYD 3, I've make the best decision that I thing that would be the best for me. But at the end of the day, I let it happened again. My mistake. How many mistake should I do for the same reason huh???

 Is this what's we called God's will? Is this what He really want me to do? I had no idea. Right now I'm still struggling with myself, forgiveness, happiness and healing memories. I pray not to look back again. 

NOT TO LOOK BACK AGAIN! 

But still, I am stuck in my own world and just don't have a place to go..

Dear God :(

 "If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. 

You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it.

Ask boldly, believing without a second thought."

James 1:5

It's your problem!

JUST SHUT UP, OKAY?

I'm allowed to dislike somebody who hurt me.

I'm allowed to say what I want,

laugh how I want,

and do what I want,

and be who I want,

This is my life and if you do not like it,

then there's something wrong with yours, not mine!

Alright.Go then.Bye.

X__________X

THE WORDS SPEAK

Yesterday's Lessons

I learnt a new lessons yesterday. 

(Saturday: 24th March 2012)

First lesson: No phone call in a car.

Second lesson: No radio and musics allowed.

Third lesson: When people is mad, you act like a retard and cheer them up!

Forth lesson: When people give you something, take and appreciate it.

Fifth lesson: FORgive and FORget.

That's what I have learnt so far....

THANK YOU LIFE FOR THE LESSONs. I did learn a lot!

^^

Seriously Spontaneous Thursday #3

Dear Miss Elvyyyyy..

You know what your problem is?

You get attached, fast! And once you're attached to someone,

you do everything you can to please them and make them happy.

Its' never been about what you want,

It's always everyone's needs before your own.

You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them.

They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover.

But you are okay with that, because they are in your life and that's all you ever really wanted.

And even they screw you over, you'll still be there for him, for them.

Because that's what you, that's who you are.

Once you got attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there.

And that's is why it is so hard for you to let go...

And that's is also why you looked 'pathetic'! 

Wake up! Tolonglah sedar diri!

   -yOu don't deserve me-
@ baLung 2012

Having a Bad day..

First of aLL...

But the truth is...

Today is a B.A.D.D.A.Y for me. Seriously.. :(

and

you can see when..

argggghhh...this is

By the way, no need to bother.

I will just Thank God for what had happen and ask for His wise guidance.. God is LOVE all the time.

(Jeremiah 33:3 Call to Me and I will answer you 
and I will tell you a great and mighty things, which you do not know)

Thank you so much LIFE.. -_-'

Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean!

Hye you!

Because you know me right? You know me so well. You know everything about me, what hurts me, what surrounds me, what haunts me, you know it all right?

You know what I've been through, going through and will go through, don't you?

You know all my choices and the reason as to why I made them, right?

Listen up here! think what you want when you come and mouth off about how ridiculous, or stupid, or dumb, or crazy or whatever else you want to call, but remember that you don't know half of the story, and I doubt when you're start pointing the fingers, your hands is clean, is it? So...

 Thank you very much!

THE LOST VOICE..

Pergghhhh! I lost my voice again! 2 months in a row? So poor me T_T

Kalau kamu call saya sekarang bolehlah kamu mendengar suara seksiseksa saya yang macam suara orang baru bangun dari tidur. Tetapi sebenanrnya adalah suara orang yang kehilangan suara berharga.

Semua ni salah kilang kelapa sawit di balung (akibat pencemaran asap hitam dari kilang setiap hari) dan juga keadaan ramalan cuaca yang tidak menentu (panas dan hujan + global warming) dengan orang-orang di sekeliling saya yang berpenyakit (bertugas untuk menjangkiti orang2 yang dahulunya sihat seperti saya). 

Apa tidaknya, kalau di rumah betapa saya sihat walafiat dan sejahtera sahaja kehidupan. Tapi bila tiba di tempat "ALICE IN HELLLAND” ini terus berpenyakit in complete package. I mean, fever, flu and cough! Bilakah hendak sihatnya ni?

 Next week ada UB camp lagi. Dan sesungguhnya saya tidak merelakan diri saya untuk pergi kerana ia akan membuang masa (masa tidur petang + masa ganti kuliah), tenaga (pembaziran tenaga ATP yang terpaksa ditukar kepada tenaga ADP) dan juga wang ringgit (bayaran untuk site camp, tempahan dewan, makan, t-shirt UB, etc). Camping yang sepatutnya dibuat di Kg. Luanti Ranau kini telah berpindah ke tempat asal camping dahulu iaitu di Balung River Eco Resort. Feeling excited ke Ranau telah bertukar menjadi mimpi ngeri di Balung. Arggghh.. So pathetic of life.. so lame!

(but this is what we called L.I.F.E kan?)

Ok ok mencarut lebih2 sudah.. besok perlu ke bandar mencari ubat-ubatan terutamanya ubat sakit tekak sebagai persediaan lengkap untuk nightmare camp next week. 

Perlu beradu. Babai dan selamat malam FELLAS!

I am sick to death (Part II)

I am sick to death of LOVE.

I am sick to death of LOUSY LIAR GUY.
I am sick to death of their HALF-ARSED RELATIONSHIP.

I am sick to death of PEOPLE WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OTHER PEOPLE.

I am sick to death of HEARING EVERYONE PROBLEMS EVERYDAY.

I am so sick to death of PRETENDING THAT I AM OKAY.

I am sick to death of FEELING I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I am sick to death of NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGET.

I am sick to death of PSYCHO INDIVIDUALS.
I am sick to death of BLOODY ROLE PLAYS.

I am sick to death of POKER FACE PEOPLE.

I am sick to death of FEELING GUILTY.

I am sick to death of FAKE PROMISES.

I am sick to death of BEING REGRET.

I am sick to death of BITCY GIRLS.

I am sick to death of LIFE DRAMA.

I am sick to death of WONDERING.

I am sick to death of WORRYING.

I am sick to death of WAITING.

I am sick to death of MISSING.

I am just sick to death of ALL THOSE THINGS.

 LIFE CAN BE SO CRUEL SOMETIMES HUH? STRANGE.. YET SO TRUE.  :-( 

I’m sick to death!

I am feeling so sick. I mean, SO DAMN SICK! I think I got fever (feeling hot and cold), bad headache ( I end up eating 2 pills of Actifast Panadol this morning), flu (flooding mucous in my nose), sore throat (a really bad wet cough! itchy, irritating, bad condition).

Gosh! These conditions really make me feel so bad. It is so irritating to have and even more frustrating condition to get rid of it. It disrupts my night’s sleep, my daily activities, my work, my revision week and cause poor quality of my life. I think it all started three days ago, so sudden and unpredictable! SHIT!! I am very sure this tragic illness is caused by bacterial infection. Or..is it because of my immune system which is not functioning well?  Worst, I don’t have any medicine to treat this illness, (4LIFE=OUT OF STOCK, ‘ubat batuk’=out of stock, COOL FEVER=dun have any, antibiotics=dun have any!) only got Vitamin C??? DAMN!!!!

::: or maybe i need DR. GREGORY HOUSE in da house :::

I might be glad to say that this semester is the worst semester ever. Never felt like this before, sick to death. This headache had killing me softly. I really really really wanted to study and revise. But I can’t focus for even a minute. As I open up my book and start to read, everything goes away around me. All that I can see is the letters dancing happily. Am I crazy? Am I sick enough? I am so sick of being sick! I try to control my body to ignore this pain but I just can’t. At the end, I ended up lying down on my bed by hoping that everything goes well after I wake up. But these condition of mine getting worst!. Gosh, I am starving now. Craving for my mum’s cook. I WANTED TO GO HOME SO BADLY. 

Home+sick=homesick again!

Mum, I really need you by my side right now. T_T