Spontaneous Thursday #5

Ok malam ni banyak perkara sa mau mencarut sini. sblm 2 pesanan penaja, I'll use Sabahan slang ah..

untuk kesekian kali ini, rest in peace to my dear handphone, sorry saya kasi tamat nyawa ko tadi pigi ampas di dinding. memandangkan tida dapat antak kepala di dinding jd handphone juga la jadi mangsa kan. ok, bisuk sa pigi beli smartphone! ko tunggu....

bgn2 ja dari tidur tadi ada suatu perasaan yg sangat pelik mucul. rasa mau burst into tears, rasa gerigitan, rasa mau marah, rasa rimas, gelisah.. eiiii, nda tau la apa ungkapan yg paling sesuai lagi. dan ditambah lagi dengan menerima balasan mesej yang bukan2 memang la bikin panas hati! kalau ada orang di depan sa confirm jadi mangsa cubit. huh!

ok next sa mau bagitau satu dunia yg sa tidak akan balik time cuti Chinese New Year ni. Tahniah vay! mcm pertama kali pula tidak blk cuti sejak2 bermastautin di IP ni. bukan bermaksud sa telampau sayang dgn IP tapi cuti hanya 4 hari??? skolah pun tidak apply cuti peristiwa on Wednesday. pg apply pula cuti yg bukan2. heh! mumy pun cakap nda payah la blk, tiket flight mahal. Mummy suruh pigi sembayang sja di sini. emm yala... ok fine la, lgpun tggl brapa bulan ja lagi stay sini, bagus sa menghayati bumi Tawau ni lama2 kan.. kan? kan? lol. ba sa jadi sekuriti guard Wisma Mawar sepanjang 4 hari ni. ada apa2 kecurian atau masalah terus berhubung saja sama sa. wtf. apala mau bt time cuti ni ah.... mau pigi minta angpow sama tauke cina la.. hekhek. joking! I should go watch some movies dan steamboat maybe untuk kasi gumuk badan.

oya, 1 benda lagi mo kasi tau 1 dunia ni, saya makin kurus!!!

F!~ kurus adalah bida dan skeleton. haha, teringat pula time skolah menengah dulu, classmate slalu  panggil "skeleton2" sbb telampau slim to the max. berat badan 45kg ja time tu. pui bida! nasib la sejak masuk matrikulasi sa pandai membesar sda. lol. dan sekarang sda turun 3 kg pula dlm masa 3 minggu?? kawan2 pun ckp pipi makin cengkung, badan makin slim, dan seluar pun makin longgar.. mungkin sa perlu borong seluar pelbagai saiz supaya ada masa2 buli pakai time kurus ataupun gemuk. le sighing....
oleh itu di kesempatan ini, sa mau ucap terima kasih sama praktikum dan skolah sk. BQ sbb kasi kurus sa..TQ!

dan... ada satu situasi pelik skrg.. sekali lagi mengalami situasi yang berbeza dan tidak jauh bezanya seperti tahun2 sblm ini.. dan sa yakin situasi ini akan berpanjangan smpai la akhir tahun saya di sini. arggghh, damn! 1 pokok banyak dahan. 1 dahan patah, tumbuh lagi dahan baru. dahan lama buruk, reput tapi tidak mau dibakar. sayang tiada pemetik api. peribahasa yang sa cipta sendiri. hahahaha! terpulang la mau tgk diri ni mcm mana. yg ptg x hipokrit. and I know myself. I drink, but I don't do drugs ok. kadang2 sa sensitif sbb sa ni manusia, ada perasaan. everyone has their own imperfection ba kn..so it depends la kalau mau judging someone. tp jan lupa, anda tidak layak menghakimi melainkan Dia.. bla.. bla.. bla.. mode mencarut..

ok sekian terima kasih! :)

It will never be the same

hye kawan...

TRUST doesn't come with a refill.

Once it's gone, you probably won't get it back and if you do,

it will never be the same.

That's a fact!

BE AWARE OF 2013

Salam damai.. Pernahkah kamu mengalami situasi begini?

Ketika seseorang insan yang hanya akan mencari kita apabila mereka memerlukan kita sahaja. Saya yakin anda pernah mengalaminya. Insan-insan ini akan mencari kita apabila mereka berada dalam kesusahan, berada dalam keseorangan, berada dalam kesulitan, berada dalam kegawatan ekonomi dan sebagainya. Dan ketika itulah insan-insan ini akan berusaha mendapatkan pertolongan dari kita. Bukan maksudnya disini kita tamak atau tidak mahu menolong tetapi jikalau sudah "KACANG LUPAKAN KULIT" adakah kita perlu meneruskan pertolongan tersebut? Bertambah sedih lagi apabila insan-insan ini sudah mengecapi kesenangan lalu terus diam tanpa sepatah ucapan TERIMA KASIH dan hilang tanpa khabar berita. Dimanakah nilainya sebuah PENGHARGAAN? Bukan bermaksud kita ini gilakan pembalasan terhadap pertolongan yang diberi tetapi setidak-tidaknya mereka menghargai nilai usaha yang telah kita lakukan untuk menolong mereka ketika insan-insan ini benar-benar memerlukan kita. Sehinggalah pada suatu hari kesusahan menimpa mereka semula, dan disitulah mereka akan mencari kita semula untuk meminta ehsan pertolongan buat kali kedua, ketiga, keempat, dan lagi?? Saya begitu hairan mengapa sungguh mudah kita dilupakan apabila insan-insan ini sudah mendapat apa yang mereka perlukan tetapi mencari kita semula apabila diperlukan. Dunia oh dunia? Adakah kita ini Teko Ajaib ataupun Poket Doraemon yang penuh dengan rekaan semata-mata?? 

Mungkin tidak perlu lagi terlalu baik hati melayani insan-insan sebegini. Kurangkan penindasanmu wahai kawan. Jangan suka MEMPERGUNAKAN orang lain untuk manfaat diri sendiri. Jangan lupa, ramai yang tahu.

Pesanan penaja ini adalah peringatan kepada diri sendiri yang sememangnya lemah tertindas dan kepada insan-insan yang tidak sedar-sedarkan diri. Semoga insan-insan ini sedar dengan perbuatan penindasan mereka. Marilah kita memperbaiki diri kita sendiri di tahun yang baru ini.

BIAR PEDAS

HINGGA LEMAS

JANGAN TERTINDAS

DIRI SENDIRI TEWAS.

Sekian, Selamat Tahun Baru 2013!  

Thousand times maybe

I tend to believe the best of people and that's why I've been hurt so many times, damn easy to get hurt.

 yaa, that's me. =.=" screw me.

Recently, after SYD 3, I've make the best decision that I thing that would be the best for me. But at the end of the day, I let it happened again. My mistake. How many mistake should I do for the same reason huh???

 Is this what's we called God's will? Is this what He really want me to do? I had no idea. Right now I'm still struggling with myself, forgiveness, happiness and healing memories. I pray not to look back again. 

NOT TO LOOK BACK AGAIN! 

But still, I am stuck in my own world and just don't have a place to go..

Dear God :(

 "If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. 

You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it.

Ask boldly, believing without a second thought."

James 1:5

Honestly..

We used to be so close...

and now we looked each other like we barely know each other.

I used to come to you with all my secrets..

but a lot has changed this year,

I do not know what's wrong.

Maybe it comes from me.

and it tears me up that somewhere along the way I lost you as a 'bestfriend'. 
"bestfriend ?"

I don't think that things can ever go back to the way we were before,

and I can honestly say that I miss you..  </3
I am sorry..

Hye Mr.April! Don't try to fool me!

Does it bother you that we barely talk or is it just me?

Cause...

I am too tired to hold on..

My friends think I'm moving on

But the truth is I'm not that strong

and nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy, I'll get through somehow

But the truth is that I've been screaming out :"(

Hye Mr.April Be nice to me ok! Don't you ever try to fool me like what Mr.March have done to me! T.T

I'll think of you

I couldn't say hi to you
Cause I wanted to be held again
Because of you I wanted to cry again

I hurried to the back of the alley and hid
Tears are extravagant
This longing for you is a sin
My head tells my heart
Not to look for you anymore
But I'll think about it again
How could I erase you
Who I liked so much
When this night passes 
and morning comes again
Again, I will face you
It couldn't love
The real love is here
My heart tells my head
That I am loving you from now on
But I'll think about it again
The sounds of falling raindrops
The sounds that dig in my heart
You, who is flowing down along my eyes
I will think of you
I can't my love, I can't forget you
Even if I am born in the next world
I will love you then...

Wordless Wednesday #11

~ ! ! ! ! ! ~

Tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I tried

I am tired

The V's day!

P/s : This is going to be yesterday's post actually..

First thing first, Happy Valentine’s day! Happy V’s day to my meowmeow and my beloved daddymummy at home. Also to my super awesome sista! (ehe, lupa sa tag ko d FB :P) also, to my bestfriends (Thanks for all of you wishes, saya akan terus tabah T.T) and forget you not, to someone somewhere far away. Happy V’s day to you! I miss u..

To my beautiful cuzzy, Miss Ailly a.k.a Madam Ailly, Happy Wedding Day!!

May your love last long with Mr. Groom a.ka. Mr Fong.
What a special and lovely date to get married on this day kan!

I wish I could celebrate the day with you all out there, but too sad, I am far away from home right now. huhu~

Back to Feb 14, nothing special happened today I guess. Anyway, I didn’t expect much about this day..
I just don’t feel something special is related to me, but for lovebirds and couples out there, sure you did! Kan??? Kan??
Anyway, Semoga percintaan kamu kekal bahagia selama-lamanya.

YEAA =_='

I'LL JUST KEEP GOING...
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
ALWAYS HOPE, BUT NEVER EXPECT
-poreber aLone-

Haunted.

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break

It's getting dark, and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you

He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding on to nothing

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone, no

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't go back, I'm haunted

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it

Can't take it anymore.

Mixed feelings today.. too much ups and downs this week. I am trying hard to moving on ~.~''

I just hate the fact that there are certain freak human creature who wanna let me down to the bottom of this planet earth. what the hell of your problem with me? why are you so annoying? why cares about others people's life? wtf! Everyday I feels like I wanna cry out loud. Screaming to the whole world. If you don't know the entire story about me, please shut up your fucking mouth! Kenapa suka jadi batu api? kenapa suka buat2 cerita? wanna tell the whole world. Yea, pls do it as you wish! siLa tambah dosa.

And for you. growing up honey! unsatisfied? TELL ME! why stay in a 3D illusion of your world??! TELL ME what's wrong! Tell me what's the problem? don't leave me with uncertainty in my head.. Its totally make me sick! What else should I do to make you speak it out loud? btw, you never tried ACTUALLY. That's why you stuck in your own world. Living with your own prediction. Making your own assumption? Living with what others telling you. and you believe?

I can't take it anymore. Dear God, life is cruel even though I live my life to the fullest. It still cruel to me.. this world is cruel to me. I am still waiting for Your answer. What might it be? I can't stand it anymore. Please send me home or please send me to somewhere else. or maybe I die. *crying out loud*

I know I don't deserve anyone in my life. I shouldn't take life for granted. If you wanna go, its your choice then. Because...who am I to you??????

dear readers.. sorry for this melancholic confession. It's the only way to make me feel a lil bit better..

I am not that easy.

Am I that easy for you? Think again cause I'm not. Please bear that in your mind. Btw, sorry for my words but I mean it. It's up to you now to believe it or not, to continue for it or not. Its your choice, not me..

 ~_~''

Good Night World

The truth lies

 

One of the hardest part in life is forcing yourself to forget the things 

that made you happy just because it's over..

 Instead of wishing you were someone else, be proud of who you are,

you never know whose been looking at you and 

wishing they could be you.

The HARDEST task in the world is convincing yourself you don't care, 

when in all actuality, you know with your entire being that you do.

Be proud of every scar on your Heart.

Each one holds a lifetime's worth of lessons.

Songs that make me emo #1

P/s: Hit the pause button at the bottom b4 proceed. tQ^^

Seriously, this video clips left a mark in my hearts.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

 ...... this reminds me of how I like this 'someone' who I know will never return my feelings because,,,,,,, 

Even though we talk naturally,

I keep wishing one day he would open his eyes

and show it..

or else not seeing that loving you,

that's what I will trying to do......

Walk a mile in my shoes

Walk a mile in my shoes,

See what I see,

Hear what I hear,

Feel what I feel,

THEN, 

Maybe you'll understand,

Why I do what I do,

'till then don't JUDGE me...

Aku selalu salah

Selalu salah </3 Geisha

Dulu memang kita saling bersama

Ku mengira tulus dalam kata

Tapi kini kamu memang berbeda

Ku terluka untuk selamanya

Caramu yang membuat diriku jauh

Kecewa di dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta

Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa

Mengapa kau benar

Dan aku selalu salah

Kini memang kita saling berpisah

Ku merasa sesal dalam kata

Tapi kini kamu memang bersalah

Kau berubah untuk selamanya

Sifatmu yang membuat diriku jenuh

Mendua di balik mataku

Ku tak mengerti cinta

Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa

Mengapa kau benar

Dan aku selalu salah

Ku tak mengerti dia

Cinta ini bukan hanya kau yang rasa

Ternyata dia bukanlah pujaan dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta

Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa

Mengapa kau benar

Dan aku selalu salah

Ku tak mengerti dia

Cinta ini bukan hanya kau yang rasa

Ternyata dia bukanlah pujaan dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta

" It's funny how we feel so much but we don't say a word,

we are screaming inside but we can't be heard"

I rather hear "I don't like you" instead of being ignore.

Girl : Hey!
Boy : Hi!
Girl : What's up..?
Boy : Nothing, you?
Girl : Me too.
Boy : Cool.
Girl : Yeah...
Boy : ........................


~ The end of conversation -_-' ~